I have always struggled with my weight...always. I was a really cute, yet pleasantly chubby kid. Hey, it's cute on a toddler, not so cute on any girl over 5, right? Somewhat helping me out through those troublesome adolescent/teen years was the fact that I was a "star athlete". I didn't really get picked on, but I certainly remember the few times guys made comments to me along the lines of, "Too bad you aren't a little smaller so you could be my girlfriend.".....seriously, this happened to me at least twice. Mind you, these were comments by fourth and fifth grade boys that were really good friends of mine (I can only assume they thought they were complimenting me somehow?), but I have never forgotten that they happened. And, I suspect that many other guys had that thought in later years, but had the social awareness to not verbalize it to me!
Anyway, I can't tell you how many times I lamented to both God and friends, "Whyyyyyyyy?!?! Why oh why can't I just be thin, or at least 'normal' sized?! This is sooooo unfair!" If I had that, I'd have it ALL! I was popular, smart, and a great athlete--just what every guy wants right??? Apparently not. I had a few boyfriends in high school, and a couple in college, but none of them were serious or lasted more than a few months. I was extremely jealous of basically all my other friends who literally CONSTANTLY had a boyfriend. After all, that's the true measure of a girl's worth isn't it? If you don't have a boyfriend, what do you have? Look, I'm not minimizing the pressure and struggle that young girls and even women have on them. I totally get it. I lived it. I felt like a loser despite all of the things I did have going for me. I just could not make sense of why I had to be the one to be a little "big boned". I figured it out this week.
No one knows me better than God does. We all have a sinful nature, and I think we're all kind of predisposed to have certain areas we struggle with. For me, I think I crave people's approval, and I'll perhaps make unwise choices to earn it if necessary. Are you following me?? Here's the deal--with the limited 'opportunities' I had, I made poor choices about half the time. God only knows what I would've done if guys were throwing themselves all over me?! EXACTLY! I think He did know, and I think He was protecting me from myself. So, in the meantime, what did God do for me? While I was convinced He had screwed me out of living the life I thought I wanted back then, He was busy preparing Davey for me, and me for Davey.
Okay, stay with me here--I know this has been long, but I want to get it all out! The beauty of all of this is that He knew there was a guy out there that would love me for me--big and all! And, Davey has been the epitome of Christ's love--I'm not kidding. He has been perfect--I would not change one thing about his personality, seriously. I was even having a conversation with a close friend recently where she confided to me--"You and Davey have the happiest, most genuine marriage of anyone I know--by far." God knew what He was doing. He was protecting me the whole time, and in His time He gave me an amazing man that has been everything I ever dreamed of. So, thank you God for knowing what was best and for making my body the way you made it. I have discovered a new appreciation for You, for Davey, and for my non-model frame. I now feel ready to make this frame the best it can be!
So, out of all of that comes Life Lesson #2: God Knows Best
God really does know what is best, and even when we have to go through trials and struggles that don't make any sense to us, there is a reason. You may never realize or figure out what that reason is, and I say that's okay as long as you acknowledge that you don't have all the answers yourself. Or, it may take you almost 32 years to figure it out--our time and timing is not God's, and we must never forget who God is.
Lesson 2b--for my sons--If I EVER hear you being rude, teasing, or treating someone differently based on their looks, you will RUE THE DAY! The things you say to girls will stay with them so much longer than you'd ever imagine. Be kind, gentle, and compassionate.
So, there's your update on me--on to the fun part--the kids! It was an odd week in terms of timing, with Independence Day falling right in the middle of the week on Wednesday. It seemed like everyone should've been on vacation for the entire week! I'm sure no one would've protested that idea :) As it was, Tommy didn't have either of his therapy appointments due to the holidays, and it was another super hot week. After staying inside all day on Monday, I think we all needed to get out of the house on Tuesday! So, we decided to take a spur-of-the-moment trip to Burgaw to visit Granny! She was so pleased that we came, and it's always so nice to see her. Of all of my relatives, I've always had the closest connection with my Grandma Jan--she's the sweetest, kindest, most loving person I know. She doesn't say a whole lot, and she is always very gentle....all qualities that I am desperately still working on. Anyway, the boys were excellent in the car (a little over 3.5 hours round trip), so that was a pleasant surprise! We ended up going to McDonald's for lunch because I was thinking a nice indoor playground for the boys would be fun and it would give the gals some time to catch up. Well, the boys definitely had fun--too bad the Burgaw McDonald's has their playground outside...97 degrees...are you kidding me?! They were dripping sweat when we left, despite each drinking 3 glasses of milk and/or water! I also had a few "proud Mommy" moments when Tommy said "thank you so much" to a few of the patrons who were nice enough to hold the doors for him as he came in and out from the playground area, as well as "sorry girl" to the cute little girl they were playing with when his feet hit her in the back coming down the slide. And, if you've ever seen a Tommy video, you know he was all about "your turn!!", followed by "Tommy's turn!!", and last (and probably least to him) "Ethan's turn!!" Both boys happily waved and called out "BYE BYE" to anyone who would listen as we finally left McDonald's an hour later! Sadly, I left my memory card at home, so there are no cute pictures to go along with my fond memories :( That evening, the fun continued...well, it continued for me anyway :) I got to go out to dinner to meet up with Leslie and a good friend of ours from high school, Sierra, who was in town for the 4th. We decided to go eat at Fiesta Mexicana, as they have literally the best margaritas any of us have ever tasted. They did not disappoint. I loved high school, and it was as fun as usual reliving the "glory days"!
The following day was finally July 4th! Davey stayed home from work, and after a lazy morning, we headed over to my parent's house for a little family cookout. Once again, blazing hot outside. So much so that the boys only even wanted to stay outside for about 30-45 minutes. The heat also must have worn them slam out because we WOKE Tommy up at 5PM so that we could go see Goggi and Gramps too! Tommy isn't the most fun when he is woken up, so we were trying to let him wake up on his own, but for goodness sakes--a 4 hour nap is long enough! Thankfully, since the boys had nice long naps, they were able to stay up later too, and we were able to spend a few quality hours at the Catchings' house too :) I was able to snap a few pictures for the 4th finally!
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| The boys in their Independence Day red, white, and blues! |
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| "Grandaddy is so silly!!" |
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| Man it's HOT out here--time to splash some cool water on myself! |
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| My take on July 4th wardrobe :) |
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| Mommy and her baby! |
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| Sorry E! You get all the kisses when Tommy's still sleeping--you can't escape! |
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| My wonderful husband <3 |
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| Daddy's cure for a case of the whiny-butts! |
The rest of the week seemed to fly by! I had some good times and chats with some good friends, and we spent a lot of quality time together as a family. At the end of Week 27, I'm feeling really great about life. I feel peaceful and content <3
Sounds so much like me in middle school/high school/college. I think it's really brave of you to write it all out. :)
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